What a FINE week this has been. Aaron Glenn got FINED a quarter of a million dollars, Mike Vrabel also got FINED the same amount, and Nick Sirianni, coach of the Brotherly Love team got FINED two hundred and fifty thousand clams, all for giving this FINE crop of NFL referees an impromptu performance review (which may or may not have included various exotic scatological references), which honestly is FINE with me. I don’t recall hearing that the refs are a collection of Bible camp counselors who clutch their pearls and faint in the face of indelicate language, but okay. As a result, we get to witness the NFL front office behaving like the Iranian regime when anyone dares to complain about the Ayatollah Gonnascoldya and his bloodthirsty acolytes, or even about how hot it is inside a hijab all day in the Arabian sun…More of Roger Goodell’s hammer-headed disciplinary leadership style on display, which may derive from babysitting a bunch of billionaire owners who behave like kindergarten brats, or maybe just from the fact that he’s a feckless empty suit when it comes to anything other than television contracts, or his own contract. But I digress.
Speaking of FINE, I finished the week at 7-7 again, so Bobo the chimp has me by three on the dart board. I can’t seem to get off the schneide with these 50-50 weeks, but some order will have to settle in sooner than later. Let’s get to the picks.
Panthers at Packers – Carolina has shaken my confidence, reverting to poor play we thought had been eradicated with another year’s seasoning. They flubbed badly to what is likely no longer a feckless Bucs team Sunday. So much for progress. Green Bay’s defense is firmer than an aged cheddar, and if they can get a ground (and kicking!) game established, they could make some hay in that rough-n-tumble division. Better D at home seems to me like a good recipe for wins. The Cheese bring the V’s in the northern breeze.
Ravens at Bills – The Ravens keep playing 30 minutes of football…the FIRST 30 minutes. Buffalo keeps playing 75 minutes of football, but still getting it done in the late innings. They’re 5-1 and rested…and second in the NFL power rankings. Allen wrenches a home win from the weary-winged warblers of Baltimore.
Titans at Bengals – Tennessee went down hard like a shot of their local beverage against the Brownies, even scoring late after blowing the lead to show some spirit, while Cincy spotted the Ravens 14 pts in the first half, and smoked their ever-loving crabcakes in the second half of a 35-pt unanswered eruption. Hello AFC; Ohio is back in the conversation! Between Cleveland and the Bengals, Orange is the new ‘Back’. Smokin’ Joe lit up his receivers, while the defense suffocated the Ravens. It’ll be tiger stripes sipping the victory whiskey after this one.
Cardinals at Cowboys – Can the Cowboys put two good games together this season? The Cards aren’t good, but they have bested the Raiders when Vegas had a winning record, and also the mighty Rams IN LA, so…..methinks this will be another game that Arizona & Dallas fans will watch, each side thinking ‘We can beat THIS team!’ I’d rather drink Arizona iced tea and watch ‘Dallas’ reruns from the ‘80s, myself. Wranglers ruin the red robins, YUMM!
Vikings at Lions – Boy, for a team with not much offense, those pesky Vikings are sure hard to conquer. They sit atop the power rankings this week, the only undefeated team. Do we believe they are THAT good? No…but that defense sure is, only allowing a stifling 74 pts! That’s 25 pts less than the next lowest team. I am beyond delighted that Brian Flores is getting the credit he has so deserved everywhere he coaches, despite poor treatment at other clubs (New England, where he was never given the DC title by Belichick, and Miami who canned him just because ownership changed, even though he had that mediocre team playing good football..) The Cryins are coming off a win over Phoenix and up a spot in the power rankings themselves to #11. Minnesota is due for a loss because of that 23rd-ranked offense while Detroit sits at #2…but they’re the Lions and they find ways to step on their own tails. The Blonde Braided-beard Brawlers bounce the Tawny Toothy Terrors on 8-Mile.
Colts at Jaguars – What’s left of the DeForested Colts will have a very hard time keeping pace with the Jaguars. Big Cats pick clean the carcass of the broken ponies.
Raiders at Jets – The odds have changed for Vegas, as the 3-0 sure-thing has turned into a 3-4 Mirage in the desert. Their defense wilted before the Rams, so look for a recovery game here against the gangrenous Jets, who got whipped by Flipper this week. Buzzin’ Cousins has had a good year slinging the pig, but Vegas is over-reliant on his arm, which historically is a recipe for disappointment. They need to improve their odds by diversifying their risk. I’m doubling down on Lost Wages this week to ground the Gotham Greenies.
Browns at Steelers – I wonder if Browns fans have decided whether to love or hate Desean Watson at this point; his contract and off-field antics have decimated the team for years…but Cleveland sits atop a very competitive division right now. That may change soon, as they head to Pittsburgh Sunday while Cincinnati has apparently found another gear and is on the move. The Steelers share the lead, and have demonstrated a second-half burst now and then this season, which may cause problems for a Cleveland team that scores sparingly and relies on lock-down defense for wins. I see this fun match as a pick-em, with a slight edge to Pittsburgh for a little more offensive kick. Steelers forge a Rust-Belt win in their living room.
Falcons at Buccaneers – Three weeks ago would you want to watch THIS game? Now it’s ‘must-see’ tv. What has gotten into Atlanta? AS NFL website’s Nick Shook wrote this week, “Look, I’m with you; I don’t know who the Falcons are either.” They ruptured the Niners’ spotless record, besting them at home. True the Niners are nicked up with injuries (including a hip hurty on McCaffeine Sunday)…but…it’s still the Niners. Moving over to the Bucs, what is going on in Tampa? This team too has risen from the reek of mediocrity and beat the snot out of a pretty tough Panther club, pounding them by 30 points. Mayfield is Baking again under center, while the defense sharpens their cutlasses and grappling hooks. This will be a very entertaining divisional tilt. Eye-patched plunderers pillage the peaches prodigiously.
Chargers at Rams – Bolts run out of volts.
Chiefs at Broncos – I looked the idiot after the Chiefs got stuffed by Seattle. I mean 3-pts stuffed. Suck-the-air-out-of-the-stadium stuffed. Ouch! Like Denver, the Chiefs have a very good defense. Unlike Denver, Kansas City can hang a few on the scoreboard. It won’t take more than that to keep Andy Reid’s tomahawks on top this week, and still in first place. When push comes to shove, the Chiefs take off the gloves.
Patriots at Dolphins – The Pats lost a tough roadie last week, although they played 60 minutes and kept it close. They need to get healthy on both lines and in the WR room, soon. Miami jumped the shark in New York, showing a real sense of porpoise in beating the flightless Jets at home. Malik Willis got some good reps last week, but this week he’ll want to do some creative running in as the Minutemen get to him in seconds. Flipper succumbs to the clipper from Beantown.
Eagles at Commanders – This is this week’s ‘Who cares?’ game, sadly. McLaurin’s injury exit removed the best part of DC’s game, and those are huge shoes to fill. We don’t know how healed Barkley is, but I’m bearish on him being well enough to be the difference in this game. Toss of the coin – will the Feebles be wiltin’ with Milton or will the Commanders be fadin’ with Jayden? Eagles claw out a thin win.
Bears at Seahawks – Wow, the Windy Bears get to face both Super Bowl combatants one week apart. Who did they anger to earn that gauntlet? Anyway, they felled the Patriots in a close-fought battle while the Seahawks were throttling the Chiefs. This week we’ll see whether their ball hawks can make Sam Darnold pay a high price for his mistakes. He has 8 giveaways against 8 tds, which is reminiscent of MY picking of late…yikes. Williams is much more circumspect with the football, which helps against a takeaway team like Seattle. Pop quiz: name the Indian chief after whom the city of Seattle is named…haha. Smith-Njigba finds the seams and carries the dreams of Squawk fans into the endzone. Seattle pokes the Bear.
Enjoy the games!
-Pigskin Pundit (Nate Clark)
